Curvy meets a Knight in Shining Armor?

I got a sweet message on the Okay site from a nice guy and we chatted for a while. He’s into medieval re-enactment (read: dressing up in costume and playing knights and wenches), role-playing games (yes, like Dungeons and Dragons) and science fiction conventions. Let me assure you that I enjoy the occasional Renaissance Fair these days and used to enjoy role-playing games and conventions when I was in my 20s. So I could actually converse with the Knight and I thought he was actually quite charming (pardon the pun). The poor guy told me that he’s lost his job last week but that he wanted to take me out anyway and I thought that was very sweet. I decided to meet the Knight and we enjoyed an evening of sushi, drinks and lots of fantasy conversation. So when he asked me out for the following night, I thought why not? I have to admit that I was curious if he could talk about anything other than gaming and costuming – which was getting kind of old after a while. I mean, I find it interesting but, um, what about the real world? Like when I asked him what he planned to do on the job front he said that he wanted to finish up the suit of armor he’s working on and go camping for a while and think about things. OK. Well, to each his own.

So on Saturday, we meet at a Mexican restaurant and have fajitas and drinks…and then things get weird. We’re on a patio and he’s brought a pipe, which he proceeds to smoke. Now, pipe smokes doesn’t bother me too much but I didn’t know he was a smoker and that’s on my NO DATE list. And the conversation continued to revolve around gaming and medieval re-enactments and I felt like I was in a warped version of the Dating Game meets Lord of the Rings. The waiter brings the check and sits it near me – which sets the Knight into a fit of laughter. “Never seen that before,” he says. It’s getting late and I mention that we might want to head to the movie theatre. He says. “Aren’t you going to get that?” and nods towards the check. I laughed and said “No, of course not!” And he says, “Well, why don’t we do this – you pay for dinner and I’ll pay for the movie.” WHAT???????

OK, don’t get me wrong, I realize that that the poor guy had just lost his job BUT…and ladies I think you will agree with me here……HE asked ME out. What about the unwritten laws of dating??? HE did not mention ANYTHING to me about splitting the bill earlier. If he had, of course I would have talked with him about it. But the deal is HE DIDN’T. Instead he sprung this on me and I felt totally completely trapped into paying for dinner. Yes, I could have gotten up and left. I could have done a million things but I didn’t. I was TOO astonished to respond with anything much more than…… “Well, ok.” (And yes, I am kicking myself about not standing up for myself more. You can leave me advice and comments. Frankly I was raised to be too damn polite.)

I was FURIOUS. One at being caught off guard by this guy, two for the audacity of him asking me to pay for dinner and three by my own lack of balls to say anything about it.

So I paid. And I was angry. And everything he did that I didn’t necessarily like got magnified about 50 times. I went to the movie with him – heck yeah, HE was paying for it. Made him pay $8.50 for a HUGE Icee. And sat there and fumed for the entire movie. He sat there and coughed and smelled like pipe smoke and actually picked his nose when he thought I couldn’t see. Then he tried to kiss me goodnight. All I wanted to do was put miles between me and this guy – who had turned into the Black Knight from Hell instead of this Knight In Shining Armor that he purported himself to be.

All the way home I kept muttering to myself, “Son of a bitch” – partly at him, partly at the situation and partly at myself for letting a guy push me around like that.

The next day I sent him an email saying that I thought he was a nice guy but that his interests just really didn’t coincide with mine and the direction my life is going.

I’ve hung up my princess hat and I’m continuing to look for my Knight in Shining Armor…I’ll just make sure it’s not so literal next time.

Gentlemen - what's up with those profiles?

Oh honey, where do I start? I've been to a few dating web sites and I've set up a profile on three of them. I'm not going to use the actual names just in case there's some copyright issue. One is Biology and you have to pay to use it. Another I'll call Zspot - it's connected to a popular social network site - FB. And another is totally free to communicate and post. I'll call that one Okay. Each has it's advantages and disadvantages but they all have something in common - the profile. I admit my profile is not the best writing I've ever done but it's a pretty good picture of who I am and what I'm looking for. I understand it's hard to put those things into words. But these are DATING sites and the reason you go on a site like that is to find a DATE, right? Then what in the world are these men thinking?

Here's some some gentle assistance for you guys out there. (I almost feel like opening up a business to write your profiles for you!)

A word about pictures, gentlemen: A picture in a tank top holding a beer with your belly hanging out will get you very few dates. Trust me.

We don't want to see your dogs, your ride, your house. We want to see you - preferably clean and reasonably dressed. No chest baring shots either - unless you have a serious six-pack. And get a second opinion on the photo. Seriously.

Smile, honey. Even if you are taking a picture of yourself in your bathroom mirror - for goodness sake, put a smile on your face!

Take a NEW picture - don't use one from years ago. Be honest! We can tell that the pic of the guy in a high school football jersey isn't recent for the 43 year old we're reading about.

Don't let your picture do the talking for you. You could be George Clooney and if all you has was basic info you wouldn't get a date! Ladies like to read about you and your interests.

Ok, I'm going to repeat that last line: Ladies like to read about you and your interests.

I want to see that you and I have something in common besides our desire to find a date. We already know that! So you like sports? That's ok, write about it! If you like motorcycles, write about it! Like cars, write about those too. Just keep it real. And also include those things that aren't so "manly" that you enjoy - you know, books, movies (maybe you like an occasional drama?), playing with your kids, etc. Give us a well rounded picture of who you are. We love the fact that you are a man! Really we do! Show us some of that soft side too and we will love you more!

Almost nothing turns me off faster than a profile that is not spelled correctly. I can overlook a misspelled word here and there but an entire profile that is full of them is a turn off. Check your grammar too.

Darlin', if you are picky, tell us! It's OK to be specific - heck, we are! So if you really won't consider giving use curvy sisters a look then don't waste our time!

I'm sure I'll be adding to this list as my adventures in dating continue! Next stop, Biology, Zspot and Okay! Gentlemen, start your engines!